Livin the Dream

For a family of people who are all in their pajamas by 7:00 most nights, our lives have seemed incredibly hectic lately. In just the past few weeks, we purchased a new mom-mobile (goodbye, dear, sweet Lexus), managed to meet two separate sets of friends for brunch, took Jude to his first petting zoo, and Jude sprouted his first tooth (who knew growing teeth was such a gargantuan chore?). Being a mom is definitely hard.

As for me, I think my "normal" stress levels have crept up on me, leaving huge knots in the muscles in my back (despite a 1 massage/week for four weeks biltz!) and sleepless nights with me making useless lists in my head at 3:38 am ("Things I Forgot to do at Work Yesterday," for example). None of these are new issues for me, I just think that I've let my life get away from me a little.

Nancy, my most wonderful Women's Health Nurse Practitioner, suggested among other.... chemical... approaches to dealing with my stress and anxiety, that I read a book called "Full Catastrophe Living." Sounds crazy to me, but I guess it's about living in the moment - being present. How did she know that this is a personal goal I've set for myself as a mother?

If you ask my sister, she'd tell you I'm super high-strung. If you ask my co-workers, they'd probably say it's hard to tell when I'm stressed out, because I don't let it show. The truth is, I'm really hard on myself and desperate to maintain order and control in my life, but I'm aware that this doesn't necessarily endear me to those around me, so I've become very good at keeping a cool exterior. Maybe it's a holdover from a childhood spent with a tragically ill father, and maybe it's just who I am. Whatever the reason, I think that my family deserves to have me - not the me I thought I was supposed to be or the me that I hope to be but always seem to fall short of. They deserve the Liz for whom the only thing that really matters is right now.

So.... I'm working on it.