Home from the hospital

We came home on Monday the 22nd and so far, here's how it's gone:

Monday night: We tried putting Jude in the crib in our room. He hated it. Hated it. Even though Lindsay and I were trading off "shifts," I hated it, too. I don't think I slept AT ALL. Jude was not a happy camper and this meant that no one in the room was a happy camper, including Sully. I had my first freak out.

Tuesday: Linda, the home health care nurse came by and was sooooo great. I actually thought Lindsay might barricade the door so Linda wouldn't leave. She checked in with me, checked Jude's vitals, and spent a ton of time helping me troubleshoot some breastfeeding issues. Jude slept like a champ in the afternoon. I even took a nap. (Yeah that whole "sleep while he's sleeping" advice? WHERE do you find the time??)

Tuesday night: Basically a repeat of the first night, but I didn't have a breakdown. Lindsay even tried driving Jude around town to get him to calm down (which worked) and when they got back home, we tried having him sleep in his swing in the living room with one of us sleeping on the couch. Success! Too bad it only came partway through the night. I think we each got a couple of hours, but not much more.

Wednesday: Jude had another great day. I cried two or three times - I lost count. I've pretty much cried every day since he was born. Sometimes it's about happy things (like coming home from the hospital... I cried in the car and I could cry about it right now) and sometimes it's about total freakout things... like second-guessing myself on every single thing I do. Should I give him a pacifier? Should he sleep in his swing? Should I swaddle him now? Should he be wearing another layer? Is it bad that I can't wake him up to feed? Is he eating enough? My head echoes with all the advice I've been given, all the books I've read, all the professionals I've heard from and in the moment, it feels almost impossible to make a decision about what to do. Ok, so that's not just Wednesday - that's every day. I knew it would be hard, I just never knew it was going to be *this* hard.

Wednesday night: We have a good thing going on with Jude sleeping downstairs in the living room with the two of us taking shifts of sleeping upstairs in our bed and sleeping downstairs on the couch. It sucks that we aren't able to sleep in the same bed, but what doesn't suck that we're sleeping and not freaking out.

Thursday: Jude's first pediatrician appointment AND a blood pressure check for me. I was really nervous that we'd have to drive from one end of town to the other in order to make both appointments, but we did it and even worked in a quick trip to Target. Everything looked good for me, but Jude is borderline jaundice - not quite enough to warrant phototherapy, but enough that we needed to have blood drawn for a second time. Thursday was also the first day that I didn't cry!

Thursday night: Let's just say we're working on our shift method.

Friday: Jude power napped in the afternoon, allowing me an mom to go for some quick errands. I had a mental breakdown about breastfeeding. It's really not going as gloriously as I'd like. I know I have to figure out what works best for me and for Jude, but this has probably been the hardest part of being a parent so far.

Saturday: Jude is one week old! We headed to the lab for another jaundice blood test and his billirubin levels are headed down - great news. We're still keeping our eyes out, but we're breathing a little easier.

I can't believe our little guy is a week old! My mom has been here and it's been great to have the extra help, but it's also giving me an artificial idea of what it's going to be like when it's just me, Lindsay, and Jude. I know we'll be able to do it, but yikes! I'm not going to lie. This is a little rouch.